free wallpaper for your p.c just click on it

THIS IS MY UNCLE ANDY PHOTO TAKEN BY MY AUNTIE SYLVIE AT HER GROUND FLOOR FLAT IN SALISBURY UK PLAYING YOU GUESSED IN HER BACK GARDEN

SO SORRY IV NOT UPDATED THIS WEB SITE FOR SOME TIME IV BEEN IN REHAB TO HELP ME GET BACK ON TRACK AGAIN.


I STILL NOT RIGHT YET  I AM GETTING THERE

this is me last year in Bournemouth hospital I was on ward 3 the staff was very kind to me at all times
the bottom photo was taken in hosp in the closed caff my ward just a little wrak away yes last year I was in hosp on chrismas day 2018 and in and out all last year.


more to come on this true story

I'M AM SORRY TO ANNOUNCE I NO LONGER REPAIR PC OR LAPTOP DUE TO MY HEATH
WHEN I DID DO IT IT WAS JUST A HOBBY A EXPENSIVE ONE IF THAT

SO PLEASE DO NOT ASK THANK YOU

                                            this is my garden before the work started

                                                   this is the garden as work on way
                             

this is the end of  work looks great a 

no i did not do it a professional gardener did it

this is poole dorset bus running day to celebrate 100 years of  hants and dorset the person looking at the camera is my uncle john yes my self  was on this green bus

in the photo above your looking at a new modern london routemaster in bournemouth dorset just for the day

photo taken by k.p.ducker 10/07/16

i kevin was on the bus my stepdad was and my mum and my uncle john and his wife and my uncle andy and aunty sylvie but she when for a drink for her self and miss the bus going back to poole

this is our dad in the middle in his younger days he still looks just as young my natural dad

the lady in the blue jumper is my nan now pass away the other lady i guess is my antie rose

                                       

                 the other photo is my nan and granddad both now pass away we all miss them my dad 
                                                              again in the middle 

                                                     this is my dad now and antie rose 

                                          this is leo the alcoholic lion he is haveing a roaring good time

                                           photo taken 11/3/2016

                                              mum andy and stepdad and us all of  cam that's
                                              myself kevin i tock the photo and sylvia and dave walsh makeing
                                             a toast to mum 65 birthday 2016

                                     this is a teddy i got my mum for her birthday its says on the
                                     plaque its holding (i love you this much)  i put some money in its
                                     paws for mum
                                   
                                   

this is my mums birthday card from me

her 65th birthday 2016

so i got my mum

a card

a teddy

and some money to spend what she likes with my love

                                                             my stepdad and my cat

                                          he was on the phone to mum to get her to come home
                                          for her birthday 65 party    

ITS THE 11TH OF MARCH TODAY IT'S OUR MUMS BIRTHDAY TODAY SHE IS NOW ? 11/3/1951  I WILL LET YOU WORK OUT OUR MUMS AGE

ALL WE HAVE TO SAY IS HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM FOR 2016

WE ARE HOLDING A SMALL PARTY FOR OUR MUM TODAY AT 3PM

here is some photo of our mums birthday party 

                                          click here to see bus fire weymouth video web page

Winton Bournemouth Salvation Army
25 December 2015 ·
Guests enjoying the beautifully set up hall for their Christmas luncheon. We would like to thank all our volunteers who have so gladly given up their day to prepare and produce such a wonderful day

Can you spot me in photo

the photo are of my legs iv got a illness called lymphoedema it can be at times very pain full and itchy

iv been in touch with my doctor be he said if it was cancer related the N.H.S would fund it but because my one is not cancer related the N.H.S will not fund it but he said there is treatment out there but not on the N.H.S the fund's are not available for non cancer related lymphoedema in the mean time people like my self have to suffer with it.

Yet the gov can spend money abroad on health problems what about there own people with problems like this yes im fed up with it yes there is treatment there but gov will not fund it

yes i find it very hard to walk like this my doctor said do more walking but how can i when my legs are so pain full and very very heavy

im in a catch 22 situation now with my health yes i'm fighting for help.

N.H.S gone down hill not the word.

ON LINE SHOPPING I WAS ASKED BY MY UNCLE

Q is on line shopping more expensive EG supermarket

my answer is

A yes it is by the time you pay the delivery charge then your shopping but saying this on line shopping is a great help for those who can not go to the shop or have no car or transport on line shopping is a great help for the disabled and the elderly members of the public.

to sum it up in my words

yes its a great idea thanks to the supermarket keep up the great work

DLA TO PIP ARE CONSERVATIVES THIEFS Y/N THE REASON I ASK THIS IS BECAUSE THEY GAVE DLA FOR LIFE THEN THEY NOW ASK FOR IT BACK (THAT’S NOT RIGHT) IT’S LIKE ME GIVING YOU A NEW CAR I SAY KEEP IT FOR LIFE THEN ASK FOR IT BACK AGAIN NOT RIGHT THAT’S WHAT THE CONSERVATIVES ARE DOING US DISABLED HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THEM MAKING OUR LIFE LIKE MUCK YOUR OPINION PLEASE THANKS

this was recorded on 23/08/15 at Bournemouth air show in Dorset
if you would like a copy of this film please e-mail me on
kevinducker@btinternet.com copys sorry to say are £10 each
to cover our expenses 5 pound of every copy sold go to P.D.S.A

so far we have sold two of  DVD. the £5 for private use £5 to P.D.S.A

P.D.S.A TOTAL SO FAR IS £10
US     TOTAL SO FAR IS £10

NUMBER OF DVDS SOLD IS TWO




TO GET TO p.d.s.a web page click here 'sclick here to see p.d.s.a web page

 

this is bournemouth air festival in clip it show the vulcan at its best then
we go on to a short clip and i mean a short clip of  the chinook

the show is here every year in dorset a great day out
you can see it live in bournemouth from your pc by going to

bournemouth air show page click here 'sclick here to see bournemouth air show

I have this costume on its way to me when i get it i will put it on and take a photo of me in it and put it on here for u to see and laugh at my expense i do not mind at all 

the costume is all in one like my supper man one but the spider man one zip up from head to lower back

yes i can do it up on my own just attach a long but not to long string to the zip the very carefully pull on the string

all in fun 

IF YOU WOULD LIKE YOUR JOKE ON THIS WEB SITE JUST E-MAIL ME ON KEVINDUCKER@BTINTERNET.COM PLEASE KEEP IT CLEAN THANKYOU I WILL BE ONLY TO PLEASE TO ADD THEM FOR YOU 

NEWS THE JOKES WILL BE MOVED TO A WEB SITE OF THERE OWN VERY SOON A LINK WILL BE ON THIS SITE FOR YOU

here a joke for you my birth dad sent me via e-mail

Did you hear about the man who got hit on the head by a can of cola.

He was OK because it was only a soft drink.

 here a birdie joke


WHAT do you get when you put a budgie in a blender?

Shredded tweet.

cat joke by owner k.p.ducker

how did the cat go down the motorway

meow 

elephant joke 

im only trying to get in where its cooler

by k.p.ducker (that's my face)

a little boy joke but its true (by dave walsh)

a little boy age 6 called sam was naughty one day so his mum told him off just after

that he started crying bitterly his mum asked what is up she said i did not hit you the little boy 

replied you hurt my pride

I'M TRYING TO KEEP MY CUP OF TEA HOT THAT IS MY EXCUSE AND I AM STICKING TO THAT STORY .

OR IS MY TEA LISTENING TO THE RADIO STATION

if you have a joke you would like put on here please e-mail me on kevinducker@btinternet.com 

please keep it clean thanks

joke from my dad on 22/11/15

1940s: He: ‘I always kiss the stamps on your letters because I know that your lips have touched them.’ She: ‘And to think that I dampen them on Fido’s nose.’

1950s: ‘A middle-aged woman lost her balance and fell out of a window into a garbage can. A China-man passing remarked “Very wasteful. That woman good for ten years yet.” ’

1960s: ‘I’ve changed my mind.’ ‘Thank heavens, does it work now?’

1982: Why does a duck always look worried? He always has a bill in front of him.

1996: What exams did Father Christmas pass at school? Ho Ho Ho Levels.

2002: What do you call a pig with three eyes? Piiig.
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joke add on 02/02/16

more joke from my natural dad

HUSBAND: ‘Could my parents come down this weekend?’ Wife: ‘Why?’

Husband: ‘Because they’ve been up on the roof for five days already.’

another joke

QUOTE FOR TODAY

‘SOME cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.’

Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

JOKE OF THE DAY

WHEN my wife and I argue, we’re like a band in concert. We start with some new stuff, then we roll out our greatest hits.

here's another for you

EVERY morning I take my wife tea in my pyjamas. She says she’d prefer it in a cup.

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joke add 03/02/16

a sick joke done by me kevin ducker

i was in a car one day i asked the driver to stop the vehicle so he did

but i forgot we was on a motorway and a crash happen i said at least it now looks like a train

only joking

my joke are sick

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joke add on the 03/0316

another joke by my  natural dad

QUOTE FOR TODAY

‘SILENCE is not only golden, it’s also seldom misquoted.’

Bob Monkhouse (1928-2003)

JOKE OF THE DAY

THIS is the third time that you’ve been late for work this week. Do you know what this means?

Yes, it must be Wednesday.
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joke add on 05/02/16

more joke from my natural dad

QUOTE FOR TODAY

'THE key to healthy eating is to not eat any food that has its own TV commercial.'

U.S. comedian Mike Birbiglia

JOKE OF THE DAY

WHAT’S the simplest way to work out if your hair is receding? If it takes you longer to wash your face — it’s receding

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joke add on 06/02/16

another  joke from my natural dad

QUOTE FOR TODAY

‘THE third-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the majority. The second-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the minority. The first-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking.’

A. A. Milne (1882-1956)

JOKE OF THE DAY

WHEN I was a kid, my father kept snapping me with cameras. I still have flashbacks.

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another  joke from my natural dad

joke add on 08/02/16

QUOTE FOR TODAY

'NOTHING is ugly as long as it is alive.'

Coco Chanel (1883-1971)

JOKE OF THE DAY

I HAVE been using a brilliant new machine at the gym and it’s got everything — Kitkats, Mars bars, Snickers, Twixes..

.

Brian L.

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another  joke from my natural dad

joke add on 10/02/16

QUOTE FOR TODAY

‘Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.’

Peter Ustinov, actor (1921-2004)

JOKE OF THE DAY

DOCTOR: Hmmm! It looks like the thing stuck in your ear is a piece of lettuce.

PATIENT: Is it serious, doctor?

DOCTOR: I’m not sure — it could be the tip of an iceberg.

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another  joke from my natural dad

joke add on 11/02/16

QUOTE FOR TODAY

‘The only way to make people good, is to make them happy.’

Dinah Craik, English novelist and poet (1826-1887)

JOKE OF THE DAY

I’VE heard a rumour that Cadbury’s is going to spend millions launching a new chocolate bar in Asia

.

But it could just be a Chinese Wispa.

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another  joke from my natural dad

joke add on 13/02/16

‘I have the easiest job in Hollywood, because I get paid to be me.’

Actor Christopher Walken

JOKE OF THE DAY

WHAT do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

COMPILED BY JAMES BLACK

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another  joke from my natural dad

joke add on 16/02/16

QUOTE FOR TODAY

‘MONEY is like manure. If you let it pile up, it starts to stink, but if you spread it around, then it can do a lot of good.’

Tycoon Sir Richard Branson

JOKE OF THE DAY

WHAT do you call a young yeti?

A not yeti!

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another  joke from my natural dad

joke add on 17/02/16

QUOTE FOR TODAY

‘YOU are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.’

A. A. Milne (1882-1956)

JOKE OF THE DAY

WHY do posh potatoes never listen to football on the radio? Because they don’t like the sound of common taters.

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another  joke from my natural dad

joke add on 18/02/16

QUOTE FOR TODAY

‘HOUSEWORK can’t kill you — but why take the chance?’

Comedian Phyllis Diller (1917-2012)

JOKE OF THE DAY

WHY was the shopper banned from the supermarket? He knocked over a confectionery stand and now there’s a Bounty on his head.

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another  joke from my natural dad

joke add on 20/02/16

QUOTE FOR TODAY

'The one thing that doesn’t abide by majority rule is a person’s conscience.'

Harper Lee (1926-2016)

JOKE OF THE DAY

WHY should you never go out with a tennis player?

Because ‘love’ is ‘nothing’ to them.

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another  joke from my natural dad

joke add on 22/02/16

QUOTE FOR TODAY

‘WE DON’T have to save the world — the world is big enough to look after itself. What we have to be concerned about is whether the world we live in will be capable of sustaining us.’

Douglas Adams (1952-2001)

JOKE OF THE DAY

DID you hear about the scarecrow who won a Nobel Prize?

He was outstanding in his field.

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another  joke from my natural dad

joke add on 23/02/16

QUOTE FOR TODAY

‘HONESTY may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.’

Comedian George Carlin (1937-2008)

JOKE OF THE DAY

WHY do we tell actors to ‘break a leg’?

Because they all like to be in a good cast.

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another  joke from my natural dad

joke add on 24/02/16

QUOTE FOR TODAY

'Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.'

George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

JOKE OF THE DAY

WHAT do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roaming Catholic.

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another  joke from my natural dad

joke add on 26/02/16

QUOTE FOR TODAY

'MY LIFE is an open book. With illustrations.'

Hugh Hefner, founder of Playboy

JOKE OF THE DAY

AN ONION just told me a joke. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

_________________________________________________________________________________


another  joke from my natural dad

joke add on 28/02/16

‘IF SEX is such a natural phenomenon, how come there’s so many books on how to do it?’

Actress Bette Midler

JOKE OF THE DAY

YOU’VE cancelled the wedding? I thought you said he was Mr Right?

He was Mr Right. He just forgot to tell me his first name was ‘Always’

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another  joke from my natural dad

joke add on 29/02/16

QUOTE FOR TODAY

'THE time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.'

Philosopher Betrand Russell (1872-1970)

JOKES OF THE DAY

WHY do hungry clocks never have the right time?

Because they keep going back four seconds.

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another  joke from my natural dad

joke add on 09/03/16

QUOTE FOR TODAY

‘YOU can make a throne of bayonets, but you can’t sit on it for long.’

Boris Yeltsin, Russian statesman (1931-2007)

JOKE OF THE DAY

WHAT’S the difference between outlaws and in-laws?

Outlaws are always wanted.

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another  joke from my natural dad

joke add on 09/03/16

EIGHTY-YEAR-OLD Tom Clarke was incensed when he got a letter from the council informing him that he could no longer keep his allotment. He immediately phoned them and ranted for about five minutes. When he’d finished, the officer said: ‘I am sorry, Mr Clarke, but you seem to have completely lost the plot!’

_________________________________________________________________________________

another  joke from my natural dad

joke add on 28/03/16

QUOTE FOR TODAY

'Imagination, not intelligence, made us human.'

Terry Pratchett (1948-2015)

JOKE OF THE DAY

WHAT do you call a bear with no ear?

‘B’

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another  joke from my natural dad

joke add on 29/03/16

QUOTE FOR TODAY

‘EVERYONE is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses have their bright ideas closer together.’

Georg Lichtenberg, scientist (1742-1799)

JOKE OF THE DAY

AS I stood in the park I wondered why the frisby was getting bigger and bigger ... then it hit me.

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another  joke from my natural dad

joke add on 08/04/16

QUOTE FOR TODAY

'WHY does a woman work for ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain he is not the man she 

married?'

BARBRA STREISAND

JOKE OF THE DAY

FIGHT fire with fire is my motto — which is probably why the fire brigade sacked me.

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another  joke from my natural dad

joke add on 08/04/16

QUOTE FOR TODAY

‘NO MAN ought to be condemned to live where a rose cannot grow.’

George Cadbury, businessman and social reformer (1839-1922)

JOKE OF THE DAY

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I keep wanting to sing Delilah.

Doctor: I think you may have caught Tom Jones Disease.

Patient: Is it normal?

Doctor: It’s not unusual.

_________________________________________________________________________________


another  joke from my natural dad

joke add on 20/04/16

QUOTE FOR TODAY

‘Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.’

James Neil Hollingworth (1933-1996)

JOKE OF THE DAY

DID you hear that all the loos have been stolen from Scotland Yard? Detectives investigating say they’ve nothing to go on.

THE only thing that never changes is change — because it is always changing.

■ THE difference between a realist and a defeatist is that a realist accepts defeat while a defeatist expects it.

Jokes

A CIRCUS performer was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car. ‘What are those for?’ she asked, suspiciously. ‘I’m a juggler,’ the man replied. ‘I use those in my act.’ ‘Well, show me,’ the officer demanded. So he got out the machetes and started juggling them, putting on a dazzling show and amazing the officer. Another car passed by. The driver did a double-take and said: ‘My God. I’ve got to give up drinking! Look at the roadside drink-driving test.’

__________________________________________________________________________________

 joke by  site owner k.p.ducker

date 20/04/16

here my joke of  the day

IF a police officer arrested you he reads out your right's then ask you to accompany him to the police station
him or her reply why do you not know the way officer

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A JOKE BY K.P.DUCKER

DATE 27/04/16

A PERSON GETS ON THE BUS AND ASK THE DRIVER DO YOU GO TO THE HOSPITAL

YOU REPLY GET WELL SOON THEN 

________________________________________________________________________________

 DATE 27/04/16

A SICK JOKE BY K.P.DUCKER (SOME MEMBERS OF THE PUBLIC MAY FIND THIS JOKE 

OFFENSIVE NOT MENT TO BE IN ANY SHAPE OR FORM)

YOU GET ON A BUS AND ASK FOR THE CEMETERY JUNCTION (HERE IN BOURNEMOUTH DORSET)

THE DRIVER REPLIED IN SIDE OR OUT

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another  joke from my natural dad

joke add on 28/04/16

QUOTE FOR TODAY

‘I HAVE never let my schooling get in the way of my education.’

Author Mark Twain (1835-1910)

JOKE OF THE DAY

I SAID: ‘How long will the spaghetti be?’

The waiter said: ‘I don’t know, we don’t measure it.’

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joke by my landlord on the 21/10/16

WHY DO TRAFFIC WARDEN HAVE THE YELLOW BAND ROUND THERE CAP

ANSWER TO STOP THE PUBLIC FROM PARKING THERE

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 if i get any more joke i will put them on here